"When in doubt, paddle out."

It was a beautiful day, especially for being the middle of February. The sun was out, the temperature was up and there seemed to be a refreshing hint of spring in the air. A grin crept across my face as I walked up the boardwalk and was greeted by little lines of white water in the distance... it had been a while. Isn’t funny how you always see the best set of the day when you first get to the beach? But, it looked fun enough and I had to get in the water, my gills were starting to dry out.

So I packed up my 5'6" fish and my wetsuit and cruised down to the pier. I decided to go out on the south side; a little more of a drift to paddle against, but a little less crowded and a little more bowly. I caught a couple of fun ones and was pleasantly surprised. A towheaded, brace-faced kid looked over at me and complimented my last wave. I smiled. It feels good to get a compliment, even if it is from a pre-pubescent grom. After exchanging words, we noticed a group of people at the end of the pier shouting, pointing and snapping pictures and videos with their iPhones. We concluded that it was probably a shark... most likely due to Jacksonville Beach's recent house guest, Mary Lee, a 16-foot Great White that had frequented the area only weeks before. We both were a little spooked, but curious at the same time.

The crowd at the end of the pier let out a unanimous gasp. The gasp was followed by screams. OK. Now, I was getting a little freaked. Should I get out? Just as I was starting to contemplate catching my last wave in, a giant tail rose from the sea. Falling as quickly as it appeared, the massive flipper slammed back down sending waves of whitewater across the glassy ocean. The screams got louder and the people scrambled to get the shot. My jaw dropped. The whale's back looked like a large submarine emerging from the depths. Whitewater was swirling and bubbling around the mass of an animal. “That f***er’s big!” shouted a fellow wave rider. It was the first time I had ever seen a whale in Florida, and it was definitely the first time I had ever seen a whale that close. It was breathtaking. I was in awe. I felt so blessed. And it felt good to really be present, like really present, during that short, but oh-so-special moment. 

This moment reminded me of a short story I recently read by Gerry Lopez in his book, Surf is Where You Find It. The book, a collection of stories written by the Pipe Master himself, includes accounts of Lopez's childhood, his first time surfing Pipe and his early yogic experiences. Anyways, in the story, "When in doubt, paddle out,” Gerry talks about surfing his local break during his early surfing years. An empty lineup across the channel intrigued Gerry and a friend to take the leap of faith to paddle over and check out this "no man's land." The wave was a little more challenging than what they were used to, a steeper take-off with a shallower inside, but the reward proved to be worth the risk. The experience opened Gerry's eyes to the ideas of exploration, and the concept of just "going for it." Because of this, he was able to conquer waves that no one had ever ridden before. Gerry concludes his story saying:

"This story happened so long ago that I really can't remember whether or not he actually said the words. I like to think the saying came out of that first adventure. The profound simplicity of the expression has helped me many times over the years in situations other than just surfing. Somehow we all discover that surfing lessons often have a lot more to do with life than they do with surfing. When you're wondering about that step you're about to take but haven't yet, remember what Herbie said to me that day so long ago, 'When in doubt, paddle out (Lopez 28).'"

And that’s so true. Surfing teaches us so much about life. About letting go of fear and worry. About going for it. About having fun along the way.

Although my story may be minor to the one told by Lopez, I can relate. If I hadn't just gone for it today then I would have missed seeing that beautiful, majestic creature out in the ocean. And no matter how crappy the waves are, getting out in the water is the only way to improve your surfing. That “go for it” mentality is the only way to grow and progress in life too. It's scary at times, just like paddling out at a new break can be intimidating, but it's always easier, and usually way more fun than it seemed!

I need to remember this motto and keep it with me in those sticky situations when I let that fear and doubtfulness take charge, in surfing, in yoga, and in life. So from now on, no more excuses! The times I want to doubt myself are the times when I actually need to push myself. That's when the breakthroughs will happen. That's when I will notice the transformation. 

Here are some of my goals that I have set for myself:

1. Write more and read more.

2. Surf whenever I can. “When in doubt, paddle out!”

3. Continue deepening my yoga and meditation practices.

4. Get my jewelry and artwork business going.

5. Continue to let love flow.

6. Fight fear with courage.

What are some things that you want to improve on? What are some goals?

*Surf is Where You Find It by Gerry Lopez. 

If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest you do!

*Sunday evening beach cruise with my girlfriends. 

About an hour after I saw the whale. So blessed!

*Me "going for it" last winter in Puerto Rico. Ready to keep pushing myself this year! 

PC: RinconSurfReport.com

Here's to the Plans!

Steps Beach, Puerto Rico. December 2012

“When you experience uncertainty, you are on the right path – so don’t give it up. You don’t need to have a complete and rigid idea of what you’ll be doing next week or next year, because if you have a very clear idea of what’s going to happen and you get rigidly attached to it, then you shut out the whole range of possibilities.”

- Deepak Chopra

These past two months have been a whirlwind. It’s been amazing, it’s been crazy, but it’s really just been a blur. Graduating from college this past December was a bittersweet experience. On one hand it’s such an accomplishment, and I was filled with excitement and anticipation for what the future would hold. I was also done with school. Done. Done with tests, done with projects, and done with the headache that was our campus parking garage. On the other hand, I felt an intense sense of remorse. Thinking about the next step was really quite unnerving. It seemed like a large chunk of my youth had sped by in a flash,and I was just now realizing it.

“Time to grow up,” people would tell me. “Welcome to the real world,” they would say. “So, have you found a job yet? What are you going to do with your life?”

At first, I dreaded these questions. I was embarrassed to say, “I don’t know,” because I felt like I had to know. Did they expect me to know? I didn’t have it all planned out yet. “I’m going on a surf trip to Puerto Rico for a month, and then… I’ll figure it out.” That’s what I would tell those people, and they would look at me like I was crazy. Was I crazy? I mean, at that time my biggest concerns were how many bikinis I should bring with me and which surfboards I was going to pack. My future? I hadn’t really thought about it too much.

Returning to Florida after my month-long vacation I began to notice that I was slowly warming up to this “I don’t know” answer. Because in all honesty, I didn’t know, and I still don’t. And there is nothing wrong with that. I’m embracing and accepting this state of limbo. I deserve this time to wander, to do what I want, when I want, and to figure out shit on my own. What I do know is that I want to travel. I want to experience as much as I can while I’m still young.  I want to surf perfect waves, surf bigger waves, and meet new people and experience different cultures along the way. I don’t want to be in one place for too long.

I don’t want to be “comfortable.” I have the rest of my life to be “comfortable.” I want to challenge myself, scare myself a little bit, and accumulate a lifetime full of eccentric stories. As cliché as it sounds, I want to live with no regrets.

So it's onto this new chapter of my life, filled with mystery, uncertainty and pure adventure. I’ve made a “plan” (blehh…that word just leaves a bad taste in my mouth) to stay in Florida through the summer. I will continue working my current job as a bartender and waitress. And starting in April I will be taking part in an intensive 200-hour Teacher Training Program at my local yoga studio. Come fall I will be financially and mentally ready to go, to spread my wings and to fly! This blog is a way for me to channel my experiences, my passions and my fears. It’s for the surfers, the wanderers, the dreamers, and the youth, like me, that are inspired by the plan of simply not having one.

I raise my glass to the plan of not having a plan and I'm just gonna live. Like really live. Because those “I don’t knows” and “I haven’t thought about it yets” excite me. The uncertain and the uncomfortable are what fuel my fire now. I hope you join me on my journey. 

What’s something that inspires you most? Something that scares you and intrigues you at the same time? Think about it. And I hope one day you go out and do it.